School Projects

You know, school projects are never for the kids. They usually become a contest for the moms to turn out the most fantastically original craft ever in the history of school projects. I bet some moms hail their kids school projects as their own personal "David" or "Mona Lisa." But of course, no mom would ever admit that they are competing in a contest in the first place because it is suppose to be about the children. Right. It is always about outdoing some other mom. "Oh, you used the store-bought glitter? Not me, I had some extra time on my hands and I made my own glitter. Really, it took no time at all. I did it right after I baked 5 dozen cupcakes for the church bake sale I organized. And it's completely organic and safe for the environment." How many moms out there do you know do their kids 5th grade science project? My mom did mine. The subject, photosynthesis. She spent hours and hours for weeks, researching, planning, preparing, and writing my science project. Towards the end, I guess she thought it was time for me to participate and had me copy what she had written on to the posterboard. Unfortunately, I forgot to include the word "the" in one sentence. When she noticed this she cried. CRIED! I had single handedly destroyed her science project. I might as well have drawn a big, fat, black mustache on her self-portrait because now the science project would never bear the words "Property of the Smithsonian."

So what prompted this post you might ask? I will tell you. Last week, Chloe was sent home with a project that the whole family was to work on. It is a gingerbread girl cutout that needs to be decorated in the things your child really likes. Naturally, I procrastinated starting this project because it sounded like lots of work. Today, as I was dropping Chloe off I noticed that someone turned in their gingerbread girl early... with organic, earth-friendly, non-store bought glitter. Clearly the bar had been set very high. I came home and practically sewed a dress for Chloe's gingerbread girl. Then I spent a good hour practicing how I would draw a face on the gingerbread girl. Then I spent another hour scouring through pictures of Chloe because maybe I would collage a face onto the gingerbread girl. Soon, I had to stop so I could get dinner started. Chloe came walking in and spied her gingerbread girl project and announced, "Mom, she can't see! She doesn't have eyes. I'll put some on her." I almost dropped my pan of salmon to keep her from desecrating my work of art. Nooooooo, don't touch it!!!!! Only then did I realize my foolishness. This is her project! Let her draw on the eyes for crying out loud. So I am handing over my handiwork for her to complete.